4 Intoxication

Common practice on a Friday and Saturday evening is to find yourself remotely controlling a scene where somebody has done themselves a mischief among a crowd of rather “merry” humans.

Never in my life have I loathed alcohol as much as I do now following yesterday’s night shift.

For the first time I found my self contradicting my own advice where it comes to caller management, it’s hard not to raise your voice when dealing with a rowdy crowd and being passed from drunk caller to drunker caller.

To say I am exhausted doesn’t even scrape the surface, and so a long enthralling read is not what you will be getting from me today.

Instead, a sample of legitimate sentences delivered to my dear callers in the early hours of this morning in order of recurrence.

“Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, listen to me…” (recurring).

“Hello Police”

“Stop passing the phone”

“I can’t hear you”

“Please refrain from shouting”

“Ok, slow down”

“Repeat that please”

“Do not move the patient”

“Tell me where you are”

“You need to stay still so we can find you”

“Do not stand in the way of oncoming traffic”

“Do you need an emergency ambulance?”

“Do not poke the patient, again, do not continue to poke the patient”

“You need to listen to my instructions”

And finally…

“I’m sorry, you’re biting him and he’s not waking up?!”

And that my dear readers is why I am and will remain, T total.

KW x


The harder the battle, the sweeter the victory. — Anon

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